Technology

I say both. Take today for example. I went to the hospital to make rounds. Back in the dark ages (last year), I would go to the ward, pull patient charts, grab the paper printouts of the labs and swing by X-ray to glean information. Pretty easy, low stress. This morning I logged on the computer to get the labs — not so fast. The computer told me my password was invalid. I tried again. It then told me I was locked out. Yesterday it was okay. What happened to invalidate me overnight? I called IT for help. First they told me to do three things. No go. Then they told me they would call back. The answering service called me with their number. I called immediately. I got a message machine. I went to see my patient. I told her that I couldn’t tell her very much about her injury because I couldn’t access the computer to see her X-rays. The service paged me to tell me the IT man had called back with a new number. No doubt he had had a good laugh at my expense with the first fake one. I called him and did what he said. At last success! An hour after starting the process I could now actually start doing my job. Thank God for these time-saving measures.

Later, while waiting for a patient to return to his room, I called information to get the number of a camera store. My previous film camera worked spectacularly in the operating room for ten years. Now, all presentations are required to be performed digitally. Several years ago I bought a digital camera and worked tirelessly to make it do half of what my old camera did. After months of frustration, I returned to the camera store. They told me there was a defect. I couldn’t return or exchange it because the software was already installed. Rather than fight, I decided to throw the camera off our roof along with the computer that was pissing me off. These items make a really neat sound when they crash into the pavement. Just ask my neighbor Joaquin. He thinks I’m insane. I told him it’s the fault of technology. But, I sense a revolt has begun. I have even heard that people are demanding to speak to human beings when they dial 411. I didn’t have that opportunity. I battled with the voice lack-of-recognition machine for 10 minutes before I finally got the number I wanted. Cursing at those things doesn’t help very much, but it is gratifying. Needless to say the camera store was closed. They probably knew I wanted to come by to purchase a new defective camera.

I returned home, but I remain fearful. I am faced with the prospect of loading my new ipod. I now realize it isn’t the meek who shall inherit the earth. It is the technogeeks. I hope they have pity on me.